Saturday, March 17, 2018

I am ok

my cervical cancer is gone , but it spread to my lung and liver . since I am so weak it is not treatable with chemo or surgery , I had a pet scan in dec that found it and a cat scan this past week that showed some growth , I have consulted with my lung doc and a doc at the hospital when I was in in January with a bacterial infection and the radiolgist and now my oncologist , we discused the results and what my options are there is treatment but the treatment will make be very sick and could kill me fast , verses quality life options of pallitive care and hospice . I chose the last one , in illinois I have a chance for medical cannibus treatment that may delay the growth of the tumer in my lung and liver . I have started paperwork to will mu body to medical science at a local St Louis medical school there are 3 locally they always need donations of remains . I have wanted this since high school if I cannot donate organs to the needy and since I have cancer I cannot . I am ok with everything at this time , it is important for me to be in charge of what i want . I have no experation date . it could be short time or a  long time ... I just want to live and love and create art in whatever time I have .

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Feb 8th ....

my daughters father became a alcholic when she was 3 or 4 , ( he got a job at the local Stag brewery and they promoted drinking at work for free ), this was 42 years ago , after a while nothing was more important than his addiction to alcohol , I struggled to keep us all together and became the bread winner while he became less reliable finally I had to protect my daughter and myself from the mood swings of his addiction and divorced ... - he blamed everyone but himself for his drinking . every member of his family including me and her ... his family blamed me . his attitude left an impression on her through out her life .  I  wish her  a good life   and much happiness    - her Birthday is  today  and  I hope her  day is  wonderful. .....................................Happy Birthday  Rachel  McPadden .

Sunday, January 28, 2018

hospital stay 7 days

7  days in the hospital  went in with  respiratory  failure  -  very scary ..home today ,  the  first  photo  is  the  view  from  my  window ,  second is  Adam  visiting me.   Griff  visited too    - I didnt get his  photo  .

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Happy Holidays to all ... Happy solstice to Adam Loepker my son

I love you  forever I like you for always .......... as long as I'm  living my baby you'll be

Happy &th Annaversary to Rachel and Mike McPadden

 Happy  Annaversary to  Rachel and Mike  McPadden  ,  I   have   always  wanted   love and  contentment  for you  and   someone to share it with .   best  wishes  for many  good  years    .